How should I say this?

I walked, We walked for a long time. He held my hand all the way. We held on to each other, all of us. It was dark, como un baldio. With dried bushes and dried land. I don’t like to remember that day. It makes me feel strong. It makes me feel definite.

I am not allowed to feel that way.

I am allowed to feel desperate.

I am not allowed to feel normal.

I am allowed to feel trapped.

He had to hide for a while because there were men in the other side. I saw lights. He said  “shush” he knelt down and hid behind a rock, i saw light getting near, footsteps, I was thinking about anything, because I didn’t know what I was doing, I was totally unaware of my position. I didn’t know where I was standing.

It was an hour, I don’t remember, to me it felt like two minutes. We continued. We crossed a road. A road that now seems totally magical. It’s a road between the baldio and suburban houses. We hid between bushes, and the guy led us to a house. We entered the house. We were there, and they asked if we were hungry. I said no. We all said no, but they gave us quesadillas. I was amazed at the size of the flour tortillas. They were bigger than my face, bigger that two of my face, maybe even bigger than three sizes of my face. My mom  didn’t sleep. She looked over us. When I woke up, my mom wasn’t there, it was my sister and I.  I saw her come in the door and I stood up. We were all headed to a new house. A fat chero told us to get  on the back of the truck and my mom would go in the front. He told us to stay still and not move, we were laying down. I didn’t listen. I looked up for most of the trip.  But once I saw lights my head went right up and saw a white  car and a woman driving it.  I told my sister. She just laughed.  I really didn’t know the significance of every act I made. It still amazes me.

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